Offering Parents and Providers Advice on Separation Anxiety

Parent-child separation puts stress on all members of the family. When adults feel comfortable about a new situation, they will be relaxed, and the child will respond accordingly.

When the parents have doubts and concerns, they communicate their uneasiness to their child, and the child will have a much harder adjustment period.

Children need to know ahead of time what it will be like in a new setting. The book Help for Teachers of Young Children by Gwen Snyder Kaltman gives some tips for working with children who are entering your child care setting, as well as tips for parents who are getting ready to send their children to school.

Parents should be offered help devising a smooth departure strategy after dropping a child off at child care or at school. They need to be cautioned about the downside of leaving without saying goodbye. Encourage parents to use reassuring words like, “Mommy will be back after nap time,” or ”When it gets dark out, Mommy will pick you up.”

Kaltman gives these additional tips for making drop off times successful:

Remember, saying “Mommy will be back soon” is open to different interpretations by the children. The adult “soon” is not even close to the child’s “soon” (which is usually less than 60 seconds).

Young children find comfort in routines. Do the same things each day at drop off time.

Help the child thoroughly wash his or her hands (which should be required each time a child/parent enters a center).

Do a puzzle together, or another short activity the child enjoys.

Read one book before leaving.

Wish the child well, and clap hands with “High Five!”

Develop a special hug or kiss routine. For example, try a kiss on each cheek and one on the nose.

Advise parents that, as they are leaving, they need to communicate to the child through their
words and their body language that they are confident the child will have a good day.

As teachers, we know that usually within five minutes after the parent is gone, the child settles in, plays with the other adults and children in the program, and becomes involved in the activities of the day. To help put the parents’ minds at ease, encourage them to stay for five minutes in another room or in a nearby hallway that is out of the child’s sight to wait until the child stops crying. Knowing that the child is content before a parent starts her day means a great deal.

Another way to ease parental anxiety is to videotape the child five minutes after the parent has left so they can see for themselves that the departure trauma is short lived.

Child care providers and teachers can become very attached to children in the years before the child enters school. The provider often is like a member of the family, and is someone the parents look to for advice.

Before the children start school in the fall, prepare a letter with helpful hints to ease the trauma of this big change. It could include the following suggestions for the parents:

• Use the new teacher’s name often at home in a positive way to show your confidence in the new setting. Even taking a picture of the new teacher with the child could be helpful so that the child could often look at the teacher before he/she starts school.
• Talk often about children the child knows who are also attending the new school.
• Talk often about school in general. For example, use common school words such as gym, snack, lunch time, cafeteria, and recess.
• Take your child to school for a visit to meet the children and the teachers.
• Tell your children where you will be and what you will be doing while they are in school.
• Let your child know that you will miss him/her. This is an honest emotion (but it should not be over dramatized).
• Do your very best to be on time picking the child up each day.
• Several weeks before school begins, change the sleeping schedule so that the child is going to bed earlier each evening and waking up about the time that school begins.
• All teachers who work with young children could benefit from reading Gwen Kaltman’s book, Help for Teachers of Young Children.. In addition to these tips on easing separation anxiety, it gives easy to follow tips for developing children’s social skills and creating positive teacher-family relationships.

Written by Pam Raffurty, Director

Source:
Kaltman, G. S. (2006) Help for teachers of young children. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.